Deferred Gratification

I’m not sure if the phrase deferred gratification is something my dad made up when I was a kid in the lessons about work, saving money or life, or if this is a household phrase that everyone knows. As a child it meant an inner groan and getting back to work, but today its a tool that was put solidly into my hand. I’m grateful, I have to say. 

This doesn't mean I don't grump and grouch about inconveniences (cause I do). But the following is a picture of how this tool helps me in my reality, my learning, my adjustment as a human, not of heroism. 

Deferred gratification is not only about discipline; not eating a snack so you’ll be hungry for dinner. Or saving up coins to buy that new bike you want. 

Its about handling discomfort or lack of conveniences for a moment or a season because there's another priority ahead of my own ease.

I’ve run out of yelps from the endless amount of times I’ve already yelped, so I quietly reach down and pull a pea size three pronged thorn out of the ball of my foot for the third time in fifteen minutes. On with daily life despite the ubiquitous thorns. 

In this culture, I cannot go for a run outside, so I’ve come to be calm (its taken a while) about having the worst fitness of my life for this season. I do yoga and aerobic videos on the computer inside, moving furniture aside to make room when my schedule and a quiet doorbell allows. 

Its about adjusting to what suits others around me even if its not my personal first choice.

I go to lunch with my colleagues and the options' ingredients do not suit my fructose malabsorption diet. I find something to eat anyway and deal with the consequences later. Or the ingredient list is made up of oil, white flour and sugar. I eat it despite its lack of top notch nutrition. I choose to enjoy the company and a level of familiarity or "at home-ness" in such a different place. 

We agree to give a neighbor a ride to Nairobi, then wait two extra hours on the return trip because the buses were in a jam or there was some delaying issue, usually involving cell phone network problems or phones battery dying or something or other. We saved that neighbor a nice chunk of change by sharing our ride and we made it home before dark. 

I wake up and put on a long skirt everyday because that’s what all my neighbors and most of my colleagues think is appropriate for women to wear.  I'm a valuable and beautiful person despite my current uniform which doesn't reflect my own personal sense of style or identity (so central to life back in my own culture). In another year I can wear shorts and jeans (yay!)

Its about not needing the best and latest in order to feel ok. 

As long as those binoculars work, it doesn’t matter that they are from the 1970s, weigh two pounds and look like a museum piece. 

Those rugs are rather stained and I’m not sure what their original color was, but they are periodically cleaned and serve their purpose to get the gravel off our flip-flops as we enter the house when it rains.

The laundry lady stretches our clothes and sometimes they come back to us with a funny smell reminiscent of milk, smoke and meat mixed together, but she needs the work and we don't have a wash machine, so it'll do.

The tool of deferred gratification most importantly gives me the gumption to live simply enough to demonstrate solidarity with my neighbors. 

A well worn “lesso” with a hole or two, faded from the sun, wrapped around my skirt while I do house cleaning, cooking, or evening watering chores shows my neighbor dropping by that I work like the other women. 

Sitting among the flies in the dust next to some community group members as we wait for someone to bring some chairs from afar may surprise them at first, but then they let me slide into the comfortable place of togetherness in the shade.

Cutting tall grass of our yard by hand with a slasha instead of paying someone else to do it or having a machine (that would not work here anyway because of its rockiness) expands us in our neighbor's view from “olashumpai” (ones who live higher) to ones who aren't too good to work and sweat like we do. 

Going “toonkejek tenkoitoi” (by foot on the path) instead of always driving in the car makes us seem more normal like 90% of everyone else who have no means of transport except by foot or paying for a ride in the back of a truck or motorbike.

I can't know for sure, but I can hope that practicing deferred gratification breaks down some of the barriers and misconceptions between us and our neighbors.

Dad, I’m ever more grateful for your modeling and teaching of this convenient skill of adjusting to inconveniences - despite all those embarrassing cheap sneakers you bought for me and had me wear.  

p.s. This is a hard post to write because the facts are, this stuff is plain old hard. I don't want to write a complaint post. Nor do I want to write a bragging post. Its more like, hey, this is my reality and some days I get sick and tired of adjusting to inconveniences and many days I have settled in to the reality and in some of these areas, its no big deal because I've always lived rather simply. Its complicated.